its been another month at the guardroom
seriously there are lots of sai kang to do
the parade is the busiest
but its over =)
14 more months to go =)
its almost Christmas =)

seeing the guys pass out, it feels weird
seeing their happy faces, I feel glad for them =)
but why do I feel sadness and regret?
my medical problem is genuine
its too bad that I cant continue
I cant help it =/
thinking, wondering about the future
what will it be like?

I chose to give up
but am I really giving up? I dont know
you will still appear in my dreams
but as a stranger, walking away
not even recognizing me
what does it mean?
is the feeling true, or it is just another crush?
can someone give me an answer?
its tiring to wait
I have made a wrong move
I feel bad, real bad
I have learnt my lesson
how exactly do you feel? I want to know
I am holding back, afraid of failure
but I am even more afraid of losing this friendship
I am sorry =/

had my official first week of ooc life at guardroom
feels quite empty =/
everyday thinking of what to do
duty, eat, read, exercise, watch tv, sleep
thats the routine that i experience everyday
its not so bad actually
but its just a bit boring i guess =/

just ended my weekend guard duty on a saturday =/
came home for less than 12 hours and need to book in again
haiz, really hoped that i will have more time at home
i feel afraid that my friends will get posted out way before me
and i will be left alone at guardroom
wonder what my new posting will be
it will determine my 15 months left of NS life =/

but i guess its good in a way
this period feels like a seasonal break for me
phew, being in army really make one lose track of time
and maybe more practical in a way
as i keep looking forward to the next payday =)
hope my new posting, whatever it maybe, will be a new experience for me =)

its coming to the end of October
woah, time flies
i am a half year soldier already
i still can vividly rmb my enlistment day
it has been a life changing experience for me =)

today is off day for ROC
wonder how my section mates will fare for their training
i wanted to go, but maybe not going is a blessing in disguise?
ytd went for a short jog, but knees still will feel the pain
haiz, am i being condemned from running?
stupid legs =/

been thinking a lot whenever i have the chance to be alone
that mixed feeling is sometimes unbearable
been praying for the A and O level people
all the best! may God be with us all =)

7 more weeks till i pass out from ASLC! =D

next week is grandslam
going to be very tiring
tried SOC 3 times but still fail
hope i can pass tmr or tuesday

it just feels weird
time seems to move so fast, and so slow at the same time
looking back, what have i been doing?
i feel so confused and tired at the same time
mentally drained
am i being silly to be hopeful?
i dont know
one-sided is always tiring
but i believe its a blessing to give more than receiving
i shouldnt be the selfish me
when will the day come? or will it ever come?
patience, is that the key?

BSLC is over =)
really glad that it has ended
but posted to ASLC
dont know how it will be like =/

been really emo these days
i wonder why
monday went back to ahsco
tuesday got section outing which i think we had a great time =D
today met up with liujun and bought some IT stuff for my brother
we just sat down and talk for like God knows how long
its nice to pour everything out =)
keep each other updated, plus catch up for a few months =)
i wonder how many of my friends can i do that to

4 more block leave days to enjoy =)

yesterday went back for college day
great to see those same faces again
except that maybe we all matured a bit more somehow through the few months =)
also saw yulin and chinyee
haha, its been so long =)

now in sispec
next week is the major event
hope i can endure through =/
3 more weeks to passing out
looking forward to it =)

i dont know why i feel this way
i dont know what i am thinking
i am confusing myself
but is my feelings true?
i dont know
should i confess?
sounds like a bad idea at this time...

it has been 2 months since i last posted
it has also been 2 months into my army life
i POP on 10 June
had quite an experience in bmt in yankee company
learnt a lot, suffered a lot
the memories will always stay with me =)

now having block leave
stayed at home felt quite bored
had asg dinner on friday! =D
i havent seen all of them for so long
felt really great

went back to ahsco too
but the feeling of belonging starts to disappear
as juniors graduate
ahsco holds less meaning for me each passing day...

going to kota kinabalu from 16 to 19 with jasper and his friend
i hope the trip will be fun =)
i guess i need more memories during my youth =)

tmr going back to ahsco, maybe i guess is my last
after that will be back to mjc for my sgc
looking forward to the trip =)